“Self-Improvement” is a Flawed Concept
You don’t need to improve yourself. You need to discover and express yourself. And there’s a HUGE difference.
Americans spend about $11 Billion a year on self-improvement products and services. That’s a lot of money; and yes, in a way, it is positive. I mean, look at all the people represented in that number who are working so hard to improve themselves; to get better, to learn more, to be more, to do more, etc. I freely admit I have spent my share of money on books, courses, programs, etc., over the years that were created to help me help myself in reaching new heights. Yet, I recently realized something about the term “self-improvement.” The underlying idea isn’t all it's cracked up to be. And in fact, it’s quite flawed.
Think about it. What does the word improve really mean? It means we want to take something that is not currently meeting a standard of idealism or perfection and “improve” it to where it does. In other words, we don’t like the current state of something and we wish it to be something else. We attach emotions of conditional love, acceptance, satisfaction, and contentment to what we want it to be versus accepting and loving what it is.
“At its core, the concept of “self-improvement” is rooted in self-hatred; but the soul will never respond to change in a lasting and meaningful way when self-hatred is the governing motive.”
The Roots of Imperfection and Improvement
Western culture is built on the foundational idea of improvement (here’s looking at you, Colonialism). Specifically, medieval Judeo-Christian theology became tangled up in the basis of western thinking and is sadly grounded in the concepts of natural imperfection and the corresponding obsession with reaching perfection (i.e. improvement). For instance, to sum it up, God cursed the earth to a state of “fallen” imperfection because some woman couldn’t keep her hands off a damn piece of fruit. Now because of her and her (only semi-guilty) husband, humans have to work hard “by the sweat of their face” to improve the fallen earth and themselves… God is perfect. We are worthless sinners, and He requires us to work hard to become perfect. But wait! There’s more! We’ll never be perfect because we live in a fallen world! Too bad. But don’t worry, God will step in and save our sorry butts as long as we grovel for forgiveness and “obey” Him. Oh, P.S., you’re still pretty much judged based on how hard you try to be perfect even though you can’t… Males, you need to be a decreed type of ideal man, worker, provider, etc.; Females, you need to be a complementary type of ideal wife, mother, cook, etc. (oh, and make sure to look pretty for hubby!)… And the checklist of perfecting “commandments” goes on, and on, and on…
At the end of the day, western culture has, for thousands of years, thrived by telling humans they are not good enough (and some groups were told that in more direct and damaging ways than others). That they must constantly prove and improve their value by being more, having more, and doing more. The results? We NEVER measure up to the culturally-accepted standards. We criticize ourselves constantly. We consistently compare ourselves to others. Then, we’re quick to look for, and point out, all the flaws and faults in others just to make sure we’re not the only one aboard the SS Imperfect. And as a coping mechanism, we then seek wealth, power, and status to help us feel better about ourselves. And that lipstick we put on the proverbial pig of imperfection is what we call “improvement.”
To summarize bluntly, western culture taught us to hate ourselves. Let’s admit it, we’re a society obsessed with self-hate. That’s a hard truth but hang in there with me. So much of what we do, so much of the hurt and pain we see in the world, is a result of people striving, in some way, to measure up or feel better about themselves. Often, that results in the hurting of others. Other times it simply results in people shrinking away from offering their innate gifts and talents to the world (i.e. playing it safe so they don’t get hurt).
You Already ARE Something!
Here’s the truth as I’ve come to discover it: You don’t need to IMPROVE something. You don’t need to BECOME something. You already ARE something! Think about that. Deep within you is a soul, spirit, energy, whatever you want to call it, that is uniquely designed and endowed with genius, gifts, and insight that no one else on the planet either has or ever will have. Instead of “improving” to be something someone else decided you should be, it’s about DISCOVERING the “Self” that’s already there and allowing it to grow, expand, and fully express itself.
I no longer believe in the concept of perfection and imperfection as we’ve culturally defined it. I no longer see the ideals we’ve created as a society for who knows how many thousands of years as a standard by which I should measure myself. Instead, we each already have our own unique state of perfection that does not have to be reached, but rather simply EXPRESSED. Yes, there may be things we like or don’t like about society’s standards, and we can incorporate them as WE see fit, but that’s the extent to which we should give a damn. At the end of the day, we are not bound to live up to a standard we did not set, create, or agree to. Rather, we entered this planet on Day 1 with a beautiful, in-tact “Self” that was eager to grow and express its own built-in standard of perfection.
Expressing the “Self”
So how do we discover and express our “Selfs”? I offer a few things that have helped me in my journey:
- Recognize false beliefs. Many of the ideas and beliefs we are culturally programmed with are false, man-made, and have painted a complete mirage for reality. Yes, we have been living in a sort of Matrix all along. That sucks to discover, and it’s damned hard. However, as we teach our minds to question and examine beliefs, and to really look for the origins and core messages of those beliefs, we enable ourselves to more quickly identify ones that are helpful, and equally as important, those that are harmful.
- Reclaim our “Self”. As we discard false beliefs, and carefully filter new ones, we send the message to our “Self” that we are giving it the reins of living. We send love to the “Self” and ask it to manifest its purpose, its genius, its gifts, its ideas, etc. We are then better able to hear the “Self” amidst all the fearful chatter our Ego constantly fills our minds with. Meditation has been the most helpful modality I have found for observing and quieting the Ego and getting to know my inner Self. But there are other ways, too.
- Reconnect with nature. This goes FAR beyond a nice little stroll in the woods. Rather, it’s about returning ourselves to a more natural, ancestral state. And by ancestral I’m talking about our pre-civilization hunter-gatherer ancestors (i.e. indigenous peoples). This involves the choices of food we consume, the way we interact with the earth, our communities, and the way we teach our bodies and souls to connect with them as well. Understanding that we are just one small component of nature’s tapestry allows us to see our proper place in the universe and the interconnectedness of all things. Seeing that proper place gives even more freedom to the “Self” to become fully expressed because we can let nature teach us, rather than solely relying on society. Nature’s organic state is one of perfection, life, growth, and abundance. When we learn to work with her, rather than against her, we can unlock dormant and unseen treasures our ancient ancestors knew and accessed daily.
I recognize each of these points deserves WAY more attention than this simple piece provides. But, it’s a start.
Allowing the inner “Self” to express itself requires us to learn to send love and acceptance to all parts of our mind and body. We all have parts of us we don’t like; but remember, the only reason we don’t like them is because we have been told we shouldn’t like them. Our “Self” often lies buried alive in a grave covered in false, limiting beliefs. The more love and attention we begin offering the “Self”, the more of it we will unbury. It will then begin speaking to us more, and the closer we listen, the more we will come to know who our “Self” really is and how it wants to be fully expressed in nature’s beautiful tapestry of life.
At its core, the concept of “self-Improvement” is rooted in self-hatred; but the soul will never respond to change in a lasting and meaningful way when self-hatred is the governing motive.
I am NOT saying that the services and products offered by “self-improvement” or “self-help” gurus are bad, unhelpful, and worthless. NO. Instead, I’m saying we will be better served by these people, their wisdom, and products as we come to see ourselves and the world differently.
Yes, I will continue spending money on books, courses, programs, and listening to podcasts, but instead of doing so to correct and “improve” my imperfections, I will see them as tools of discovery and allow my “Self” to expand and express itself more fully. Because in reality, we already have an innate state of natural perfection locked within us. Yours will look different than mine, and that’s what is amazing and beautiful.
You don’t need to improve yourself. You need to discover and express yourself. And there’s a HUGE difference. Let us all stop “trying” to be perfect, and instead, allow our natural states of perfection to be shared and seen.
Namaste.
